It’s currently 2am. Harry is wide awake and I am sat watching him chuck every single ball possible out of his ball pool…it contains 300 balls! I am just watching him doing it and I don’t have the strength to stop him anymore. I’m so knackered that I can barely lift my right arm, therefore all I can do is watch the distruction unfold before my very eyes and look forward to a colourful rainbow of balls spread across my living room floor when we return back down in the morning. I say morning, it’s currently morning now but I refuse to accept that. I can’t think straight. I just want him to sleep. Sleep child, sleeeeep!
It’s been two hours since Harry woke and I have tried everything. This has been happening every night for the last two weeks, I’m out of answers and our last resort in the end is to bring him downstairs so he can tire himself out. Ry and I have had to take these night adventures in turns. Luckily Ry had last week off and has been incredibly helpful but he’s back to work six days straight this week. Therefore, I’ll be the lucky night warrior this week.
Harry has had a really tough few months and the illnesses have been relentless. In December he had a cold, two ear infections, tonsilitis, hand, foot and mouth and then the dreaded sickness bug.
The sickness bug was our lowest point so far. Harry started being sick on the eve of Christmas Eve (Christmas Eve-Eve), at that time we were not sure if it was a bug but we took precautions just incase. However, during the day on Christmas Eve I noticed I had no appetite. I was a little worried but I refused to believe I was coming down with something. I was adamant that nothing would spoil our Christmas because I’m pretty certain I’d never been this excited for Christmas before. I also don’t think I’ve ever seen Ry so excited which made the build up really special. Unfortunately in the night on Christmas Eve I also started vomiting which lasted from 11pm at night until 5pm Christmas Day. It was horrendous. Harry still wasn’t 100%, Ry was full of a cold and it had to be the most miserable Christmas I’ve ever experienced. I think I spent most of the day lying on the floor. I felt so guilty every now and again so I managed to build up a little bit of energy to open some presents but then ten minutes later I was back on the bathroom floor sprawled out like a beached whale. I just couldn’t stop the constant flow of tears, I was so upset. I was missing my Christmas dinner, missing seeing my family and missing my first special Christmas with my little boy and husband.
Lots of people said to me ‘oh well, there is always next year. Harry won’t remember, he’s only little’ and ‘it’s just another day’.
I remember those comments really hurt because nobody understood how excited I really was. Harry might not remember but we will and we were absolutely gutted. Also, Ry had been looking forward to some time off after a very busy month of work and never got to enjoy it.
Ryan got the bug a few days later and so, the Saltern family were in quarantine for a total of six days. We were pleasantly surprised one evening by a knock on the door. Stood in our doorway was my Mum sporting a pair of reindeer antlers on her head and fairy lights flashing around her neck, bringing true Christmas spirit to our front door. She was also holding an amazing care package full of goodies to help make us feel better. Also stood next to her was my Dad, dressed with no quirky Christmas attire and pretty much holding his breath whilst awkwardly backing away from the front door towards the car. Absolutely hilarious and an amazing act of kindness that truely made our Christmas.
As you can tell Christmas 2016 is a bit of a sore subject but I am hopeful that we will have a brighter Christmas next year.
Since the dreaded bug. Harry has also had a nasty cough and cold. This cough has lasted weeks and kept him awake during the night. He also looks as though he has another tooth on the way, all in all a recipe for a horrendous night. Or in our current circumstance, month.
The cough seems to creep back at night when we’re all most vulnerable. The tickle doesn’t seem to disappear which causes Harry to urge and gag constantly. The urging then leads to a case of projectile vomit, which then leads to a very awake baby and incredibly exhausted parents. This has been our nightly pattern for the last two weeks, there has to be an end in sight surely.
2.30am – Harry is finally looking tired. Pray for Mummy!!
11am the following day:
So, I’m just writing this after an awful experience I’ve had this morning. Waking up this morning I felt absolutely fine, I managed to get about four hours sleep after Harry went down in the night and although I really could have done with some more sleep, it was better than nothing. Suddenly, I started to feel very odd. I noticed a strange shape appear in my eye, a flashing silhouette which I can only imagine was an aura from a migraine. I only know this because I’ve had similar experiences before. I then started to feel really dizzy and quite disorientated, I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out or faint. Although the feeling wasn’t going away, I still tried to remain calm but I couldn’t help feeling scared. I was worrying about Harry and how I was going to look after him whilst feeling so poorly. As a result of worrying, I could feel my pulse start to race and I knew if I wasn’t careful it may bring on a panic attack, thank you anxiety. I knew I just needed to contact someone. I managed to speak to Ry on the phone who calmed me and reassured me. However, he was at work so he couldn’t talk for long. I then managed to speak to my Dad and brother Matt who both reassured me. Matt told me he would be round to visit in a little while which made me feel slightly more at ease. After taking a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen, eating something and drinking what felt like gallons of water, I then started to feel much better.
My brother has since been round. By then I was feeling lots better so we were able to have a cup of tea and a catch up. I think this episode was a combination of both exhaustion and dehydration. I am also currently having an inflammatory response flare-up which happens a few times a year. This condition attacks my joints. Mainly affecting my knees, hips, wrists, back, toes and ankles. Sometimes it can affect both sides at the same time but it’s currently only affecting my right side. I take naproxen to help with my flare-ups and I am looked after by a rheumatology specialist who I have an appointment with on Wednesday, that definitely has come at the right time. I have noticed my headaches, anxiety and inflammatory responses are possibly linked to my hormones which I will mention at my appointment and hopefully get some further advice.
It is now 13.30 and this is the current situation. (This blog has somehow turned into a 24 hour diary).
Harry has never fallen asleep by himself like this before. We usually have to rock him to sleep of some kind. He was happily playing in his play area and suddenly just fell asleep. I am now going to try and nap on the sofa too whilst I can!!
Harry ended up joining me for a sleep on the sofa. It’s been a while since I’ve had the honour of sleepy cuddles in the day. Best feeling ever.
I was thinking that it’s been a little while since I’ve updated my blog. Life feels so much more busy since I have been working. I now work two days a week and more when I have childcare, which I’m really enjoying. I was recently offered a new role in my job to work with their online retail team and help with some online marketing. I also wrote my first blog for them the other day, I’m really content and so pleased to be able to continue my love for writing at work too.
On the days I’m not working, Harry and I tend to get booked up with plans quite quickly. We are either having play dates, catching up with friends, seeing family, having some Mummy and Son chill time or I’m catching up on housework. We are very lucky to have such a fantastic network of friends and family in our lives with so much support. We are also super lucky that people are always wanting to see us. I actually used to be able to get away without relying on a calendar or a diary, however since accidentally double booking two friends last month for the same day, I now have to book everything in on a calendar! I felt so incredibly guilty that I can’t let myself do that again. I have to blame my sleep deprived, baby brain…is that still acceptable?
Despite the tiredness and the difficult nights, we are blessed with mainly positives that truely out-rule the negative times. Harry is so well behaved and has such a lovely nature. It doesn’t take much for him to smile or laugh and for him to make us laugh too. He is constantly learning and understanding more, developing daily. He learnt to crawl just after Christmas and he has since been pulling himself up and standing wherever possible. We now have a room divider/play pen in our living room which gives Harry a wonderful amount of room to play but is also very safe. He now pulls toys out of his toy box by himself and has started to become more interested in books, especially the touch and feel ones. He is now enjoying his food more and tends to eat a lot of what we are eating. He is also now in his cot in his own bedroom which we recently finished doing up. Things are improving and getting easier – we just need to work on the nights! I am so in love with this little person who just makes me burst with pride.
One scary thought is that Harry is going to be one in a few weeks. I’m going to have a one year old child. How and when did that happen? This year has been the quickest year of my life. Although I’d quite like it to slow down, I am enjoying seeing Harry grow in to this gorgeous little human and I can’t wait for his next milestones. Oh and before you wonder, I am definitely not broody just yet!!
I feel awful because I haven’t yet organised a party for Harry. Does a one year old need a party? We’ve been invited to some lovely first birthdays so far, which were amazing but with Ry and I both working it’s really hard to find some free time when we are both off together. We are going to have a family gathering with cake the Sunday before Harry’s birthday. We are also going to Paignton zoo for a Mummy and Harry birthday treat as our birthdays are quite close together, I’m really excited. Then on his actual birthday we thought about taking him swimming or to a soft play area, just the three of us.
On another subject, those of you who follow my Instagram account will notice I post lots of pictures of Harry. I’ve heard some people complain before when they see that their friends constantly post pictures of their children. Out of all the horrible stuff we see daily on social media, this is hardly a crime. I can also tell you that it’s for no one else’s benefit but our own. My profile is private and so I can choose who I want to follow my posts. I use my Instagram as a memory blog. I love photography, therefore Instagram is somewhere I can express this passion, plus be able to view my favourite photos in one place. Mum’s and Dad’s – you can’t ever capture enough memories of your children. It may not mean anything to anyone else but it should be encouraged, whether you put it in on social media or not (as long as done safely) because they will be your most treasured memories.
I am off now to enjoy an evening with my lovely family and demolish the homemade pasta bake Ryan has prepared for us all, he’s such a catch!
Keep an eye out for my next post that I’m currently working on – introducing my own motherhood tips, hacks and ultimate saviours.
Thank you again for reading.